Rejecting Guilt Part II

Last week, or five minutes ago if you just happened upon this blog, you created and categorized an “If Only” list. These if only’s probably detail your deepest regrets, biggest perceived failings, and disappointment in your life circumstances. Your “If Only” list may change from week to week, but the likelihood is that many pieces of the list remain the same. And the reoccurring regrets reveal what you feel most guilty about. Here’s a recap of last week’s list after categorization:

Regret over use of time

…I had come home sooner

…I hadn’t let so-and-so’s friend come over that day.

…I hadn’t been so consumed with my job.

…I had been listening when so-and-so tried to talk with me.

…I had more time.

Regret over focus

…I had come home sooner.

… I had been more vigilant.

…I hadn’t been so consumed with my job.

…I had been listening when so-and-so tried to talk with me.

Regret over choice of acquaintances/friends

… had better friends.

…I had never met so-and-so.

… I hadn’t told so-and-so about such-and-such.

… I hadn’t let so-and-so’s friend come over that day.

Regret over personal characteristics/character traits

…didn’t weigh so much.

… I was more interesting.

 

This week I promised to look at possible motivating factors in the guilt and regret this list maker faces and how to combat regret and guilt you may be facing.

The list maker above is probably a frustrated perfectionist. Her world view tells her that she ought to be enough in control that nothing bad could happen. The list maker probably believes that if she had done everything right then her loved one would not be incarcerated right now, and may even feel that the incarceration is her fault.

This list maker should choose to look at the reality of things though. No matter how hard anyone strives, no one can ever control everything. When someone tries to be in control of all circumstances they will inevitably become frustrated and overwhelmed.

But, how can this person fight their tendency toward perfectionism? First, she needs to choose to focus on what is true. This might involve sitting down and taking an honest look at her schedule. Did she really have any ability to be home earlier than when she arrived? Could she still provide for her family if she is not devoting the amount of time and focus to her work that she currently has been giving it? The list maker should ask these sorts of questions of herself, and choose to focus on what is true.

Secondly, she needs to choose to let go. She cannot make choices for others. She cannot fix the bad choices of others. She can only choose how she will react, and what she will do with the circumstances placed in her life. She has the ability to choose to not accept responsibility for the bad decisions of others.

Finally, she should choose to improve what she can. Perhaps she truly does need to lose weight. Making a plan is the first step for that self-improvement. Possibly she does need to tune in more when others speak. If she currently has a habit to the contrary it is going to take conscious effort on her part to make that change. Perhaps she should make a plan to self-evaluate her interaction with others each evening for the next few weeks.

Of course, your personal list may look much different from this list maker. Some people face overwhelming feelings of life being totally out of control and a victimization mindset. Examining your “If Only” list may be the first step in regaining control of your life and mental health.

Looking for a thrilling read? Check out Renee Patterson's book on amazon!

Rejecting Guilt Part I

The loved ones of inmates often carry heavy loads. Not only are they often the sole provider for their families with all the stress that brings, but they also often carry heavy loads of guilt. Some may even feel it is their fault their loved one is incarcerated. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

 The first step to rejecting guilt is to recognize the guilt you’re feeling. Then you’ll want to examine what is motivating that guilt. Dealing with the root motivator can give you freedom from the heavy weight you’ve been carrying. Let’s look at a few ways to recognize the feelings of guilt that you may be facing:

Exercise #1

1.      Set a timer for five minutes. During that five minutes list every answer that comes to mind that fills out the rest of the following sentence: “If only…”

2.      Now examine that list. Group the items into catagories.

It’s fairly likely that you’re going to notice some big overlaps. These are probably the items you feel worst about, the items you’ve obsessed over, or tried to compensate for. Here’s an example list:

If only…

…I had come home sooner.

…didn’t weigh so much.

… had better friends.

…I had never met so-and-so.

… I hadn’t told so-and-so about such-and-such.

… I was more interesting.

… I hadn’t let so-and-so’s friend come over that day.

… I had been more vigilant.

…I hadn’t been so consumed with my job.

…I had been listening when so-and-so tried to talk with me.

…I had more time.

 

Catagorizing

To categorize the list above here’s one way it might break down.

Regret over use of time

…I had come home sooner

…I hadn’t let so-and-so’s friend come over that day.

…I hadn’t been so consumed with my job.

…I had been listening when so-and-so tried to talk with me.

…I had more time.

Regret over focus

…I had come home sooner.

… I had been more vigilant.

…I hadn’t been so consumed with my job.

…I had been listening when so-and-so tried to talk with me.

Regret over choice of acquaintances/friends

… had better friends.

…I had never met so-and-so.

… I hadn’t told so-and-so about such-and-such.

… I hadn’t let so-and-so’s friend come over that day.

Regret over personal characteristics/character traits

…didn’t weigh so much.

… I was more interesting.

 

You get the idea. Looking at someone else’s list it can be easier to pick out the big guilt tripping items. Often the things we fixate on that we feel should or could be different trap us in a whirlwind of “If onlys”. Next week we’ll look at the root motivators of the list above, and how the person struggling with this list might approach getting rid of his/her feelings of guilt.

 Are you going through the rollercoaster ride of life that loved ones of inmates face? Renee Patterson has written many books from inmate’s loved ones perspectives. Check out her book The Prison Betrayal for a thrilling read.

 

 

Lost in the American Dream

The pull of the American Dream

The families of inmates feel torn between two worlds. American society is obsessed with living the American Dream. For most, that dream includes owning their own home, driving a new car off the lot every few years, owning the latest greatest music hits, the highest definition TV with the most channels available, and/or working a job that provides health insurance, good vacation time, and an eight to five job. The family of inmates are especially aware of these pressures in ways the rest of American Society does not face.

 The loved ones of inmates are keenly aware that their incarcerated family member will have a tough time finding a decently paying job. How does one live the American Dream making minimum wage… or worse… facing ongoing unemployment. In a rough economy that has already forced many who have no record out of work, the ex-convict faces overwhelming challenges. And, the family of that ex-convict feels for them and often hurts with them through the low wage job, or the unemployment of a father, mother, sister or brother. The pressure to achieve that American ideal life places stress on the whole family, and may prove a huge temptation to the former inmate who is trying to get back on his/her feet.

Choosing Life over the American Dream

So, how do you survive in a society obsessed with the latest and greatest? The answer may lie in a very difficult choice; the choice of life over the American Dream. American society is so driven to achieve, to go places, and to do great things that it forgets the joy of the simple. An old song claims “All you need is love.” And while, love does not provide food and housing, a good deal is to be said for it.

Think for just a moment. When was the last time you went and sat on your steps outside and listened to the world around you living? Watch the birds build their homes. No matter where you live in the world, you still see them. They still find the niche needed for their nests. They still find the food to sustain them each day. They still feel the joy of the sun on their wings, and the wind in their face as they soar through the sky.

Look around and see how long it takes you to spot a living plant. Chances are that even deep in the intercity, you’ll still find flowers, moss, and trees that have beaten the odds and grown up in the middle of the urban jungle. Look at the lawns of businesses nearby. Just think about that grass for a moment. It grows, and is mown down, and then grows again, over and over and over. And in its growing it gives the earth greenery and a soft place to walk or sit.

As you face a life with stark realities, perhaps rather than focusing on big things you don’t have right now, focusing on the things you have been given can give you the joy and hope you need. That plasma TV- who truly needs that when they have the whole world to watch?

For the families of inmates, let me urge you, make the conscious choice to choose to experience life, no matter what challenges you face. I’m not saying, don’t strive to better yourself. Or, don’t work hard. But, in the middle of working, and striving to better yourself, don’t lose your soul to the American Dream.

Interested in reading from the perspective of an inmate's loved one? Check out Renee Patterson's:

 

 

Family, Under Renovation

Losing a loved one to incarceration is like losing a wall to your house. Suddenly, family life turns upside down. Even if the support and protection that loved one provided was weak, losing your family member or significant other still leaves you reeling with shock. Just as a house missing one of its walls faces structural instability; your family structure may be wobbling- adjusting and counter-adjusting to the sudden gap. Just as a house missing a wall risks greater exposure to damaging outside elements, so you and your family are now exposed to unanticipated danger and hardship. So, what can you do to minimize that damage?

Image URI: http://mrg.bz/gtURwF

Placing short-term fixes

In a house you might nail up a tarp overnight to keep out the elements. The next morning you’d hammer in some supports to maintain structural integrity. These first steps are crucial to your family’s safety and stability as well. For your family this might include:

·         Registering for economic assistance if your family is dependent on the loved one’s income.

·         Rescheduling appointments that you or the loved one will not be able to attend.

·         Arranging appropriate supervision of any children for court appointments or other related events you plan to attend.

·         Accessing how much you will be able to support your loved one financially/emotionally long distance

Planning long-term repairs

A tarp and some two by fours might work overnight, but any house facing structural damage will need to invest in new construction material and specialized labor. A family needs these too! A loved one incarcerated will need the specialized labor of an attorney. But, the family itself may need the specialized labor of caring counselors, and community support.

Building community

Unfortunately, many families of inmates know too well just how society reacts to their loved one, and the non-incarcerated family members to. Far too often it is not pretty. But, there is hope. A quick search via google reveals many active family of inmates support groups from the Mother’s of Incarcerated Sons Society (M. I. S. S.), to Prison Talk (an internet chat group designed to support inmate’s family members), to Family and Corrections Network (FCN) that seeks to uphold the value of the inmate’s family. In this day community can be just a click away.

 

Of course, a digital support group is fine, but an internet forum doesn’t allow for supportive hugs, or sharing tears. For that, you need in-person support. Often libraries will list support groups that meet in their facilities. If they don’t have a prison family support group available, you might consider starting one yourself. You are not the only family facing this type of heartache. And the sympathy and support of others facing similar challenges can be a game changer.

 

Strengthening Foundations

An incarceration will change your family dynamic. Family may either reject you and your loved one, or strengthen their bond with you. Friends may stick by you through the difficulty, or abandon you. Even once your loved one is released, life will still be different. Jobs may be difficult to come by. You and your family will have faced intense stress. Stress that may be causing relational fissures. Stress that left undealt with can endanger your family relationships. During and after an incarceration a carefully chosen family counselor can offer valuable insight as they observe you and your loved ones coping with these new stresses.

 

 Loss of a wall does not automatically mean the condemnation of a home. Some walls are intentionally demolished to allow the remodeling of a home into a safer or more comfortable dwelling place. Perhaps your loved one’s incarceration will do the same. Sometimes a loved one who is in a self-destructive spiral is awakened to their life’s direction by an incarceration. While this is not always the case, there is always hope. Combining the resources of a supportive community and competent counselors your family’s chance of successfully rebuilding is strong.

 

Interested in reading from a loved one of an inmates perspective? Check out Renee Patterson’s book He IS My Mr. Perfect

 



 

A Prison Wife Worries about Her Upcoming Extended Family Visit

Image Credit: oddstuffmagazine.com

Last month, I received an email from a prison wife named Jess D. She was extremely nervous about an upcoming 24-hour prison visit her and her daughter had been granted to spend time with her locked up husband.

Jess D's story is like that of numerous other prison wives who found themselves abandoned by family members because she chose to stick by her husband in jail. Even her in-laws seemed to be a bit passive about supporting her decision to take part in the overnight prison visit.

Please Advise Me on My Upcoming Extended Family Visit

With Jess D's permission, I've decided to publish the transcripts of our emails.

From Jess D. on March 25:

Good morning!!

My name is Jessica and I know your probably saying why is she emailing me. I was reading a article online that you had written about extended family visits at the prisons...

My husband is incarcerated for almost 2 years now and has been granted a visit with our daughter and myself for 24 hours. The visit starts tomorrow and I'm so nervous and a little scared. I keep going back and forth about going.

My daughter is 3 and knows she is having a sleep over with her daddy and says she wants to go and is excited but I'm just leery. She is very shy, quiet, and timid and I also am as well.

I have my in laws who are super protective not wanting me to go but will support my decision and as for my parents and friends well they all walked out on me because I decided to stand by my husband thru his incarceration.

Is there any even if its a little bit of advice? I understand if you don't write back or feel uncomfortable. I'm only reaching out be a use I just know nothing about any of this and the process and I'm just a nervous wreck..

Thank you,

Jess D

From Renee Patterson Writes on April 11:

Hey Jess,

I am so sorry. I am just now seeing your email. I truly apologize because I would have surely been there for you. If you still need to vent, talk or get some advise, please email my back. I'm here for you if you still need me.

Best Regards,

Renee Patterson

Renee Patterson Writes

From Jess D. on April 11:

Thank you so much for writing back!! We went to the extended family visit. I decided it was best for my daughter my husband and myself.

How silly it was for me to even be nervous or almost backing out and not even going. My husband made me so proud!! He made this 24 hour visit about being a father and doing all the things he needs to as a father.

He just was amazing and it just made me see first hand why we have stuck together and just what a amazing man he has grown into and is truly ready to just take care of his duties as a father husband and our support.

It was the best 24 hours I have had in 2 years and it just gave us so much confidence in our relationship and a lot of peace which we both needed. Ahh I'm glad things are taking a turn for the best finally. Thanks so much for taking the time to write be back it means a lot!

Jessica

From Renee Patterson Writes on April 11:

You are so welcome. I'm so glad things went well for you.

Would you mind if I posted these two emails you sent me on my blog? I would really love to share your story with my audience?

From Jessica D. on April 11:

I would be so honored if you did. This experience takes so much support and we all need to help each other thru this. Its the only way. Thank you so so much.

Please stay in contact with me. I just loved all your articles. They helped me make my decision and I'm so happy I did it. It helped our whole family and gave so much peace.

Extended Family Visits Keep the Family Structure Solid

As a prisoner's daughter, prison sister, prison cousin, prison niece, ex-prison fiance and all around prison loved one, I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that prison visits are key to keeping these foundations solid. This is especially true when it comes to extended family visits.

Not everyone has the option, or privilege, of having extended family visits with their incarcerated loved ones. For one, only a handful of state prisons allow extended family visits, and federal prisons are totally against them altogether.

Rules and Regulations for Extended Family Visits

Image Credit: askheartbeat.com

Secondly, the state prisons that do allow extended family visits, have extremely strict rules and regulations. Oftentimes, prisoners don't qualify due to the natures of their crimes, or because of behavioral issues that have occurred since they've been locked up.

In CDCR prisons, for example, "lifers" are not allowed to have extended family visits. The same rule applies for CDCR prisoners locked up for domestic violence issues, or those with positive HIV statuses.

Then, there are the family members who don't qualify for various reasons. In some cases, it's just a matter of choice:

"I don't want to be locked up in a prison overnight."

"Do I really want to take my kids to a prison to be locked up for that long?"

"I can't imagine going that long without a drink or a cigarette." (This was me!)

(Image above from article entitled, "Sentence of 7-10 Years…Should She Wait for Him?)

I Really Need My Prison Mom

But, the bottom line is: Extended Family Visits are an essential part of maintaining a solid family structure.

Because of my choice to stop smoking cigarettes last year, I finally feel confident enough to have one of these overnight visits with my mom. I may be wrong, but I believe CDCR allows five (maybe) prison visitors on these visits at one time. If this is true, that's a whole-nother can of worms because I couldn't imagine sharing this precious time with my grandmother or aunts.

Regardless, I am down to spend some private, quality time with my mother. As a prison daughter, I'm here to tell you, not having her here in my life as a mother has been sheer hell. One night alone could heal a heck of a lot of wounds, because I need more prison mother more than anything else in this world.

Prison Stories by Renee Patterson Writes

Check out these great prison stories written by me, Renee Patterson. These prison eBooks are dedicated to prison loved ones all over the world.

Recreation on the Inside: A Federal Inmates Story (Part 2)

Being locked up in a federal facility is different from being locked up in a state facility. There are a lot more resources available and at ones reach in the federal facility than in state. There are many things that one can do when locked up in the federal system to keep themselves busy and out of more trouble. Let’s take a look at my experience with some of these resources that are available.

Daily Routine

Being the head orderly I had a daily routine of being up as early as 5:45 am every day. This was to be able to set an example to the others in the dorm as well as get things rolling for the day to make sure that code was met on my part, cleaning the dorm, making sure that everyone was dressed and hygiene met to standards. Daily inspection was a routine that we had and if code/standards were not met, we were stuck in dorm until code was met. This was all done in the morning and I would not be able to go anywhere else until this was all done.

Another part of this responsibility was also my own personal routine of recreation. Usually, after lunch and after any classes that I may have had, I was able to have some free personal time to move about how I wanted. After lunch would be handball, I was good too. People thinking that a big guy like me was not quick, but I proved them wrong. There were other things that I could do like play pool, go to hobby craft – which is where one would learn different types of crafts, some that would include making leather purses, making jewelry boxes and more. Things like this is not something that you are given a chance to do while in a state facility. Federal prisons are the only ones that offer these kinds of resources to their inmates, knowing that they need to keep their mind occupied every minute of the day in order to stay out of trouble while on the inside.

Another big event of recreation that I took part in was a basketball tournament that we had on the inside. Every day I practiced, practiced and practiced. Knowing that this was a big thing among the different groups/races. Teams were formed within the races. We moved racial aside and formed mixed groups for this tournament of basketball that we created. Game after game, moving racial aside, it came down to the end and our team won. I was named the MVP for the tournament. Memories of this time is a time when racial was moved way aside and there was nothing else like it within the complex ever done before.

I can honestly say that during my time as head orderly and being in a federal facility was a lot different than being in a state facility. The resources that you have at your disposal can actually bring you into being able to learn about the law and even become a lawyer on the inside, so that you have something to fall into when you get out. I did not do that, but I learned a lot about the survival and the politics of the federal inmate system. There is so much more that I can tell you but that would take a lot more articles.

I’m Not a Person, I’m Just a Number

My name not important. I am just a number in the Federal Justice System. Being an inmate in the federal justice system takes on a new life for many on the inside. I myself have experienced the federal justice system. Not knowing what to expect and being female, I was in a bad situation that just got worse. Injured with a gunshot to right arm about two months prior to being picked up by federal law enforcement, and having to have care on a daily basis still for my wound,  being locked in the whole for 5 days without knowing the system and what to do and what to do or who to ask. Time going by and not knowing how family is handling everything, especially my small children, who were there when law enforcement came.

The Wait

Time went by and got a visit from several of my family members, telling me how could I and what about your children, Then next finding out that my family had called CPS to take my children away from my in-laws, who at that time were doing what they could with the children, not knowing what was going to happen next.

After about 72 hours was able to meet with my court appointed lawyer, who by the way I do not think even knew what he was doing. Him telling me that I was looking at staying locked away for the next 5-10 years and being told that my boyfriend, now my husband, was not from the US and probably would be deported back to Mexico. Me not even knowing this before and not being able to speak to him to confirm if true or not.

Over the next few months waiting for a final court date. Here where I am from, the federal court system wait to get a trial or court date is about 6 months or more, depending on the severity of your crime.

So during the next six months there are many things that happen. One thing in particular that sticks to memory is when this young girl comes in from Mexico. She is young girl, about nineteen, pregnant and without money. She is put into our room or tank, as they call it, of five other girls. All was well until she joined us. She wrote a letter to the Lieutenant telling her that I was stealing from her and she had also managed to turn some of the girls against talking to me or having anything to do with me. Well push comes to shove and one of the senior guards comes in to take care of the situation after my complaint against her as well.

This person not having anything from the time she came in until the time that this happened. Well things got heated and everyone decided that I needed to be moved, so they moved me right about two weeks before I was to go to court, after being with the same people for the longest time. This person ended up getting put into the whole after causing a fight in the tank some weeks later.

Day of Final Court

The day that I went to court my father, mother, and my in-laws showed up. My in-laws being my support throughout the whole six months that I waited for this day. I got to see my boyfriend, now husband, that day in the courtroom. Again being told by my attorney that my boyfriend was not from here and probably would be deported. Still not understanding and telling myself he must be talking about the other guy involved in our case. But I found out during the hearing that it was him. But something happened during our sentencing. I felt a great calm come over me as he was up there being sentenced, which was telling me that everything was going to be fine. He got sentenced to three years. I got sentenced to one year and one day.

Then we got to ride the bus back together to our location. The guards allowing us to be able to talk while on the ride back, which was usually not allowed. This made my day, knowing that we both would be ok, not looking at the time that our lawyers had told us. My husband was looking at 7-10 years due to his history through the state legal system. And even then we could not figure out how the judge managed to get confused and only sentence him to 3 years, knowing that he should have gotten a lot more time.

The Move

Now it was time to be moved now that we had been sentenced. Still not quite understanding the system, and not knowing where I was going to be moved to. That day came when I was told at 4 am to pack up my things and it was time to be moved. First I was sent to one location, then about a month after being there I was sent to my final destination. This final location was somewhere that from the beginning was not agreeing with me.

Some months passed, when I should have been given my daily medication with meds roll call and the guards were not complying so I filed a grievance against them. Again not knowing completely how the system worked, I got myself put into the whole during a four day holiday weekend. Scare of already being locked in small spaces since a young child, and even worse not having anyone that I could call to help me out of this jam that I was in. I finally got out of the whole and put into a tank that was non English speaking.

I finally learn that I just need to stick to myself until my time is out. That is the best thing to do while in a state or a federal prison system. You can only protect and care for yourself and no one else. You have to learn to be alone and learn to deal with things that happen calmly and patiently. But the most important thing when on the inside in any type of facility is to respect anyone that comes within your path.

The Release

I was released a few days earlier than planned. So luckily one of the other girls that was being released was a local and I was able to stay with her until my ride came to get me. I was out and the only thing that I wanted to do was to be with my family.

I was picked up by my uncle and got to stay for three days with my littlest son, at the time who was going to be 8 years old that year. I had decided that the best thing for him at that time was for him to stay with my uncle. He had already been there for one year. So he was staying and I was leaving, hard to do when you know that it is the right thing to do.

I left a few days later on the bus headed home to live with in-laws until my husband would be released almost two years later and deported back to Mexico. Today, we now live in Mexico and it has almost been three years since going from bad to worse to the best we have ever been.

I now work from home, a jack of all trades for anything internet. My son adopted last year by my uncle and his wife and my girls live with us. My older son went off to his first year of college in August of 2012. Everything is going very well and we are now enjoying life the good way, one day at a time. Thanks to God!

A Federal Inmates Story: The Politics, What You Don’t See

In the federal prison system for the men there is a much different kind of treatment given, than to that for women. There are more of us that are locked away here in the federal system. One main political action that you have to keep is when it comes down to a fight you have to stick with your race for survival. For the men sticking with your own race for survival, whether you are White, Black, Asian or Latino, may also mean becoming affiliated for survival of not being subjected to all the politics. Each affiliation earns their respect the same way that they give respect to others. Survival is based on the give and the take of respect.

Several years ago I made an error in my life and got locked up. Let’s take a look at the politics within the Federal Prisons that goes on that no one sees.

The Political Survival

Any little thing that is said or done can turn into a big fight. During that time that I was on the inside I became the head orderly for our dorm of 200 people of mixed race, but each race has their own group affiliations as well. Being the head orderly takes on a lot of responsibility, not only to clean the dorm but also to keeping the peace within the different races. Each race Whites, Latinos, Black and Asians.

Keeping the peace within the dorm is a big responsibility. I myself did it for almost two years at the facility where I was assigned. Also being affiliated has a big advantage and a lot of risk at the same time. I was affiliated during my time on the inside, but once I knew when I was coming out the affiliation stopped there. I did not want to risk my family upon being on the outside and being affiliated.

I would like to tell you one of the stories that happened to me while on the inside that involved a lot of politics, something so small it will make you think why that.

At the facility in the form where I was housed there are three TV rooms, one for English, one for Spanish, one for Sports neutral. But in political terms the TV rooms were broken into Whites, Latinos, and Blacks. Each race has their own TV area and if they were to invade another area, sometimes just because the room is empty they want to use it, which is considered disrespect to the ones that the room belongs to, which can cause a big riot, just for something so small.

What people do not see or understand that goes on behind the scenes is that the more you can earn and give respect to others the better off you are and the more you will gain in return. On the inside no matter if in a Federal or State facility for your crime, you have to give respect if you want to be respected.

There is a lot more involved in the politics that keeps the peace for something as small as the TV room and who gets to use which room or even who gets to change the channel and when. Ask yourself this question, wouldn't you want to give respect to earn respect if you had to do it for survival?

I Need Guest Blog Posts

A few months ago, my blog was hacked. Now, I need to get it back up. But, this time, I'd like to include guest blog posts to help provide more quality content. As you know, I'm a prison story writer. I write ebooks about prison love, prison families and famous prisoners. See Renee Patterson Amazon eBooks for a current listing. I'm also an prison loved ones advocate. Once again, I'm an advocate for prison loved ones, not prisoners themselves. 

I'm looking for guest blog posts from people all over the world that like writing content that's prison related. Your guest posts can be about prison news, prison articles, prison updates, prison related current events, prison life related to loved ones, prison services and products that may be useful to loved ones, prison related books and ebooks, etc... Any topic that will be useful to loved ones of prisoners is welcome on my blog.

Guest Blog Posts

I will notify anyone interested about the details soon. For now, if you feel this is a good fit for you, please post a comment below with the following:

1. The type of guest posts you plan to provide: articles, news stories, products, services, short stories, etc...
2. The number of 250-600 word guest blog posts you can provide weekly.
3. Your state and country.

Other Prison Related Blogs Seeking Guest Posts

If you're a child of a prisoner and would like to write for the Prisoner's Daughter blog, she is looking for guest posters too. She's looking for guest posts from prison daughters, prison sons, prison step-children and prison God-children.

If you're a prison lover hoping to share your prison loved story with the world, the Prisoner's Fiance is also looking for guest blog posts. She's hoping to get quality posts from prison wives, prison husbands, prison fiances, prison girlfriends and prison boyfriends. If you're in love with a prisoner, check her out.

Prison Rideshare Network

For anyone interested in joining a network for prison loved ones needed rides to prisons, please visit the Prison Rideshare Network. PRN no longer provides transportation to prisons, due to loss of funding. But, they are still dedicated to helping your find a ride to prison. Join their network in order to gain access to other loved ones in your area that visit the same prisons you visit. They are also looking for guest blog posts.

I've been encouraging people to read "Growing Up, Spirituall" by Kenneth E Hagin. Now, people are asking me where they can find it. I've located it on Amazon for only $8.79. Here's the direct link:

Kiesha Joseph AKA OGNapolean: 40 Minutes Worth of 911 Calls About Trayvon Martin...

Kiesha Joseph AKA OGNapolean: 40 Minutes Worth of 911 Calls About Trayvon Martin...: 40 something minutes worth of 911 calls. Here are my thoughts on what I heard: I can clearly hear this young man screaming for his life...

Trayvon Martin witnesses come forward in a news conference.

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NPR.org discusses Trayvon Martin 911 Call

Here the actual facts behind the law Zimmerman is hiding behind.

Granny's Child - Who is Granny's Child?

I only agreed for Granny’s sake. After all, why would I want to see my mother? I’d only visited her a few times since she’d gone to prison and each time I’d left with a quiver of unease in my bones. I didn’t see how this time could be any different.

With Granny at my side, we stood outside the prison, staring up at the tall, gray walls, a concrete block built to keep things – people – in. I wanted to grab her hand and never let go, but I forced myself not to. I wasn’t a baby anymore. Now that we were here, I knew I had to go in.

This is the story of Kai, a ten year old girl who's been raised by her Granny for most of her life. Her mother, whom she slightly despises, is an inmate in a California Correctional Institution (CDCR). With a father she's never known and a mother she feels abandoned her, it's no wonder Kai has no desire to ever leave Granny. But, Granny's getting older. And, it's starting to become obvious that she's sick. The everyday worries of what will happen to her if Granny... it's just all too much to think about.

Will her mother get out in time to save Kai from going into foster care if something happens to Granny? Only time will tell...

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I just joined a network for prison sites and prison blogs.

I just joined a cool network for prison sites and blogs. Hopefully, if more relevant sites and blogs join, this will help boost my ebook sales. If your site or blog is in any way related to prisons, the prison world, prison life or prison loved ones services and goods, please join this network. It's free and we can all use the backlinks.

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Granny's Child is Now in Spanish

My bestselling ebook, "Granny's Child" has been published in Spanish on Amazon Kindle.

Product Description:

Continuar con la saga del niño de la abuelita. Granny quiere Kai empezar a visitar a su madre en la cárcel. Ella tiene la esperanza de que puedan construir una mejor relación madre-hija. Abuelita sabe que no puede vivir mucho tiempo. Kai tendrá que tener un vínculo con su madre cuando la abuela y la madre pasa es liberada.

"Abuela ..." comencé, el cambio para que yo pueda verla. Ella me miró fijamente, preguntándose qué otra cosa fue lo que me permite la expresión. Fruncí mis labios por un momento antes de que continuó: "¿Me preguntaba ... ¿qué me va a pasar una vez ... bueno ... una vez que no puede seguir cuidando de mí nunca más"

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Granny's Child

Checkout my best selling short story! Here's an excerpt:

“Granny…” I started, shifting so that I may look at her. She looked back at me intently, wondering what else it was that I may say. I pursed my lips for a moment before I continued: “I was just wondering… what will happen to me once… well… once you can’t keep taking care of me anymore?”

Continue the saga of Granny's Child. Granny wants Kai to start visiting her mom in prison. She is hoping that they can build a better mother-daughter relationship. Granny knows that she may not live long. Kai will need to have a bond with her mother when Granny passes and mom is released.

Granny's Child

A Short Story Ebook

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What US States Allow Prison Conjugal Visits?

Currently, only six U.S. states allow prison conjugal visits within their prison systems: California, Connecticut, Mississippi, New Mexico, New York and Washington. Originally, prison conjugal visits were used as an incentive to motivate working prisoners to be more productive. They were scheduled visits that allowed the prison inmate to spend one-on-one time with his or her legal spouse. Prisoners were lured by the idea of having the opportunity to have sexual contact with their spouses. Today, the main purpose of these visits is to preserve the family unit. That is why they are now called Extended Family Visits. These visits can include the legal spouse, but are also open to other immediate family members, including the inmate's children.

The states that allow Extended Family Visits believe that preserving the bond of the family unit makes the chances of the inmates rehabilitation greater. It is also believed that it helps to lessen the chances of them reverting back to a life of crime and returning to prison after release. Protecting the family bond does not just benefit the inmate, it is also important to the spouse, children and other immediate family members. It allows them the chance to interact privately with each other, just as any other family does. Together, they can talk, laugh, watch television, read, play games, cook and eat in an atmosphere that resembles that of an actual home or hotel suite.

The visits take place on prison grounds in apartment-style homes, with one or more bedrooms. They are fully furnished and equipped with appliances and cooking and eating utensils. Usually, up to three visitors are allowed at a time. They are allowed to bring approved food items to cook together as a family. Depending on the state's policy, these visits can be anywhere from a few hours to 72 hours, and usually take place over the weekend.

Unified Policy

One unified policy that all six states agree on is that Extended Family Visits are “not a right, but a privilege.” Prisoners must earn the opportunity to participate in this program. They must be low-to-medium security level prisoners, with no history of disciplinary problems within the prison system. They cannot be incarcerated for violent offenses or have a history of child abuse or domestic violence. Prisoners being housed in maximum security level prisons are not eligible, even if they meet all other eligibility requirements. They must undergo testing for and be free of HIV and all STDs.

Visitors must also meet certain criteria. They must be approved by the state prison system for visits with the inmate. This requires passing an extensive criminal background check. For spouses, proof must be provided that a legal marriage exists. All other immediate family members must provide proof of their immediate relationship to the prisoner. While on prison grounds, visitors must follow all state prison visitor rules and regulations, including, but not limited to, dress codes. Prison visitors must undergo a full body search whenever they enter or leave the prison for Extended Family Visits.

Supporters of Extended Family Visits truly believe that they are detrimental to keeping families together and strong. Married couples get personal, quality time together. Parents and siblings get a chance to spend time with their loved ones. Incarcerated parents get full parental contact with their children. These privileged prison families get the opportunity to interact with each other like a “normal” family, if only for one weekend.

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State Prison vs. Federal Prison Systems

As it has been revealed, there exist various differences between the state and federal prisons. This is in the basis of various aspects of operations carried out in the entire criminal and justice system. Under the same level of security, federal prisons are a bit safer than the state prisons since there is less crowding in federal prisons. More specifically, the federal prisons involve few cases in which the individuals imprisoned are offered larger spaces and better facilities as compared to state prisons. This has enhanced decreased vulnerability of prisoners in the federal prisons to social humiliations. Though the cases dealt with in federal prisons may attribute to larger and more severe punishments, the prisoners are not usually exposed to unnecessary tortures as it is in state prisons (Glaser 54-65).

It is important to note that, the federal prisons usually have their staff more trained than as it is with state prisons. This is because, the federal prisons deal with more technical and advanced cases as per the laws set by the congress; thus necessitating contracting of more advanced staff in the processions of the prisons. In this regard, the federal prisons are larger and more complex than state prisons on the basis of the various cases involved. Basically, the state prisons are usually run locally by the governors whereas the federal prisons are dealt with by a set of security team appointed by the congress. Considering the technicalities of cases involved in federal courts, a highly qualified staff would be required in carrying out various activities in it, leading to their better payments. On the other hand, the staffs for state prisons are not much paid since their level of qualification is a bit lower than the ones in the federal prisons; as they deal with local cases (Barbara & Rather 45-79).

More so, suicide cases in state prisons are more than as it is in federal prisons. This is usually as a result of more congestion in state prisons than it is in federal prisons. Being smaller in sizes and dealing with numerous local cases, state prisons have been found to be having a larger number of suicide cases than as it is in federal prisons. In addition, the pathetic conditions found in state prisons leads to many people committing suicide. Further, homicides have been more experienced in state prisons than in federal prisons. This is because; in state prisons, the security is a bit less than as it is in federal prisons. This has attributed to the higher level of homicides in state prisons where prisoners are many and congested. This congestion experienced in state prisons encourages the act of people killing each other in state prisons. Specifically, both suicides and homicides are more experienced in state prisons than in federal prisons (Glaser 34-67).

UK Prisoner Services & Activites

UK Prisoner Services

The Prison Service in United Kingdom is said to be a part of penal sanction system which enforces fine conversion and prison sentences usually passed by the high and supreme courts. It even takes immense care of all the enforcement of remand custody. The SEA or the Sentences Enforcement Act which has set some of the following needs among other aspects on the prison service include:

Penalty is a simple loss of independence - The sentences enforcement has been organized so that the judgment must be only the loss of independence. Other types of restrictions can even be utilized to a large extent which the security of imprisonment and the prison orders need.

Prevention of damage and encouragement of placements into the society - Penalty must be imposed so that it does not needlessly hamper however it possible it must encourage prisoner's placement in the society. Damages and injuries caused by the custody must also be prohibited is possible.

Familiarity - The situations in the penal organizations must also be organized in such a way that they communicate to those succeeding in the society.

Justice, self-esteem for human dignity and prevention of prejudice - Prisoners must also be treated fairly and self-respecting the human respect. All the prisoners may even not be placed without surfaces in uneven locations of their nationality, ethnic origin, gender, language, family status, race, skin color, social opinion, labor or political activities, state of religion or health or sexual orientation.

Special requirements of immature prisoners - Whenever implementing sanction judgments to an immature offender then special attention has to be paid in regards to their requirements caused by the stage of development and the age of the prisoner.

Investigation of Prisoners - Prisoners must usually be heard when making a decision concerning on the prisoners dwelling or other activities and even some other essential matters associated to the prisoners treatment.

UK Prison Activities

Some of the activities which are arranged at the prison usually comprises of educational, work and other activities in order to improve the abilities of every prisoner. The main intention of these activities is to encourage every prisoner's reintegration in the society. When prisoners participate in the activities their abilities are developed to live, maintain and improve their working talents.

All the prisoners are gratified to participate in other activities which are approved and arranged by the prison officials at the activity hours. These activities are well planned as it is based on the requirements and risk assessment made in the allocation and judgment unit for the prisoners who are serving for a longer punishment.